


Negotiations in the Kitchen

by Arvari



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 02:58:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3634107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arvari/pseuds/Arvari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Good. By the way, I know you don't even like peanut butter.”<br/>“Neither do you.”<br/>They stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds. Thinking. Evaluating the situation. Considering the possibilities.  <br/>“My dear little spider,” Loki finally said. “I think we can negotiate.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Negotiations in the Kitchen

A strange sound made her grab the nearest knife and spin around. The cause of said strange sound just smiled, no, _grinned_ and stared at the knife.

“Relax, agent Romanov. It is only me.”

“Loki,” she breathed. “I could have killed you, damn it. We have some _rules_ about teleporting, don't we?”

“I am terribly sorry, Natasha,” Loki shrugged. “I didn't expect to find anyone here at three AM. Could you... lower that knife, maybe? It's not very sharp, but I am sure you could still make my life very painful with it if you really wanted.”

“The hell I could,” Natasha grinned and dropped the knife back into the sink where she had taken it from before. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

“The same as you, I suppose,” Loki smiled and opened the fridge. “I was hungry, so I thought I'd grab something to eat. I'm sorry, do you have the peanut butter?”

“Well... Yes. I'm just... making some sandwiches.”

“I see.” Loki's eyes focused on a plate in front of her. “Isn't it a little too much for you? No offence, but if you eat all of that, you will probably hate yourself in the morning.”

Natasha's gaze travelled from Loki's hair to his toes and back up.

“Are you aware of the fact that you are wearing pants with the pattern of the arc reactor?” she then asked. “And that your hair looks really ruffled? And that there is a pretty fresh bite mark on your shoulder?”

“I am not aware of the bite mark,” he smirked. “And are you, Natasha, aware of the fact that you are wearing the boxer shorts with the arrow pattern, which, as far as I know, Stark gave to Clint for Christmas?”

“Yes. I am.”

“Good. By the way, I know you don't even like peanut butter.”

“Neither do you.”

They stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds. Thinking. Evaluating the situation. Considering the possibilities. 

“My dear little spider,” Loki finally said. “I think we can negotiate.”

Natasha rose an eyebrow.

“Can we? And what would that negotiation be about?”

Loki took a few steps forward, grabbed the jar of peanut butter and reached for the bread.

“You didn't see me here. I didn't see you here. By the way, there are scratches on your back.”

“Yeah, but those are from yesterday.”

“Oh. Of course.”

Natasha folded her arms.

“Why should I agree? We're only breaking the 'don't fuck your team mates' rule. Stark is breaking that rule _and_ the 'don't fuck the former enemy' rule.”

“Also the 'don't fuck on the common floor' rule,” Loki grinned. “But you, my dear, are breaking the 'don't fuck the fellow agent' rule. And that is worse.”

Natasha bit her lip. She hated to admit it, but he was actually right.

“Okay,” she then slowly nodded. “It's a good thing we haven't seen each other here, isn't it?”

“A very good thing,” Loki agreed.

“So, if you excuse me,” she said, “I will go back into my bedroom, eat my late night snack and go to sleep, completely alone.”

“And I will make my late night snack, take it to my bedroom, eat it and go to sleep, also completely alone.”

She smiled.

“How long it's been since you actually slept in your own bedroom, Loki?”

“About four months,” he answered. “And you?”

“I have never slept there. It's a good thing that I share my flat with Clint, so nobody can notice. How did you get Thor to keep his mouth shut?”

“I told him I was happy. And that if he tells anyone, I will paint the Mjölnir pink.”

She winked at him and grabbed her plate.

“All right, then. Have a good night, Loki. Alone.”

“Same to you, dear.”

 

When Loki materialized in the bedroom which definitely wasn't his own, the owner of the bedroom was just leaving the bathroom.

“Oh, finally,” the owner said. “I'm _starving_. Where the hell have you been? Baking the bread, or what?!”

“Or what,” Loki shrugged.

“Or what what?” Tony blinked and took one of the sandwiches from the plate in Loki's hands. “You didn't run into some trouble, did you?”

“No, love, but I ran into one of your fellow Avengers.”

“Dressed like that? Shit. Who?”

“Guess.”

The dramatic closing of eyes would look much more dramatic if Tony didn't bite into the sandwich at the same time.

“So,” he mumbled. “We're screwed. She knows.”

“Well, not as screwed as you think, love. You were right.”

“Right? Right about what?” asked Tony and opened his eyes. “Shit, _no_! Clintasha?!”

“I think she would kill you if she heard that. But yes, Clintasha.”

“Really? They're a thing? Well fuck me sideways.”

“Is that a request, Anthony?”

“Oh, give me a break. We've just fucked for two hours. I have no energy left. I want to eat my sandwiches and go to sleep.”

“I'm not stopping you,” Loki smiled and handed him the plate. “By the way, Natasha will not tell anyone if I will not tell. That means you cannot tell anyone, either.”

“Oh, well. Let's hope she doesn't tell Clint. If she does... You know. The only secrets Clint can keep are his own. And Nat's.”

“I said something similar about Thor, too. And look how good he is at keeping my secrets.”

“Well, of course he is. Who would want a pink hammer?”

“It is called motivation, my dear Anthony. And what did I say about eating in bed?”

“My bed, my rules,” Tony mumbled.

“I refuse to sleep among crumbs,” Loki snorted but laid on the bed, right next to Tony.

“I see. By the way, it's not called motivation. It's called blackmailing.”

“All right. Do you know anything to blackmail Clint with? I don't think it will be necessary, but...”

“We'll find something, honey. Oh. Honey. Yuck. This one's yours, isn't it?”

“Oh, yes. Thank you,” said Loki and took the bitten sandwich from Tony's hands.

“So your rules don't apply to you, right?” the billionaire asked.

“Shut up, dearest, or I will be the one to tell Steve that you're fucking the former enemy. And that would make him very, very disappointed. And there is nothing worse than a _very disappointed_ Steve Rogers.”

“You are a terrible human being, Loki, you know that?”

“I am not a human being, dear.”

“Idiot. If I didn't love you, I'd kick you out of the bed. Literally.”

“I am lucky you do, then,” Loki grinned.

 

When Tony and Clint met in the kitchen that morning, the archer had a broad grin on his face.

“So... It's good to sleep alone, isn't it?” he asked.

“It is,” Tony nodded. “By the way, if anyone gets the impression that I am not sleeping alone, you will find your arrows suddenly leaving rainbow trails behind them, are we clear?”

“Dude. That's blackmailing.”

“No. Motivation,” Tony winked.

“That guy you're definitely not shagging with is a really terrible influence, isn't he? By the way, you should tell Jarvis to order more peanut butter.”

“Again? Hell, those late night snacks are gonna bankrupt me one day...”


End file.
